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(12-05-2018, 11:00 AM)Mattias Westlund Wrote: [ -> ]Well spotted, thanks! I'll have a look at editing these bits.

As for "keg" though, I was under the impression that a keg is per definition a small barrel or cask. Googling it now I realize a keg can indeed be quite large so yes, I need to make that clearer. I'm imagining Jedd's keg as just a 1 gallon/4-5l container. Jedd may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but even he is smart enough to realize that he couldn't smuggle a full-size keg along with him, even though the thought is indeed amusing.

"Jedd, you can't bring a cart into the mountains!"
"Sure I can!"

Big Grin

Indeed! Must just be an American thing. A "keg" here is basically the common name for a full sized cask, though breweries and such will use cask to denote an actual wooden barrel or (I suspect) to separate themselves from the less discerning party crowd who often have weekend "keggers" (in case you wanted to know all that).

Would be funny, though, to see Jedd coming up the road the morning of departure with a cart creaking behind him, keg glowing with the sunrise!
(12-06-2018, 12:50 AM)Nayrb Wrote: [ -> ]Indeed! Must just be an American thing. A "keg" here is basically the common name for a full sized cask, though breweries and such will use cask to denote an actual wooden barrel or (I suspect) to separate themselves from the less discerning party crowd who often have weekend "keggers" (in case you wanted to know all that).

I'm aware of the keg party thing but I don't think I've ever reflected on common sizes of modern kegs or anything like that. I've added a brief mention of the bag being "foot-high".

(12-06-2018, 12:50 AM)Nayrb Wrote: [ -> ]Would be funny, though, to see Jedd coming up the road the morning of departure with a cart creaking behind him, keg glowing with the sunrise!

Haha! xD
Chapter 7 and chapter 8 are up! Txt versions are attached (though they are not spellchecked, I only remembered to do that as I pasted everything into the word processor for exporting to pdf).

There will be errors and there will be clunkiness. I'm on a roll here as I'm excited to be approaching the tipping point of the journey, so I'll go back and polish the rough bits later. Chapter 9 and 10 are not far off. Stay tuned.

(Right, there are typographical changes to the PDF versions. Looks much nicer now IMO. And I'm effectively running out of words for describing mountain landscapes. There needs to be more synonyms for 'rock' and 'slope'!)
Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Bad guys finally introduced in chapter 10. Or bad gal, more correctly.
Definitely getting the "rough" element. These are definitely more terse than previous chapters, especially in their endings. But, of course, it's to be expected as you are blocking things out and getting the whole thing fleshed out. It's a first draft, after all.

I should read everything over again, but I think I'd still like a little glimpse of what's happening in the Glade earlier in the story. It's something you can probably worry about later on, though. There are a number of ways I think would work, even a short prologue.

One thing struck me though--and I can't point out where I got this from until I go back over everything--but I got the idea somewhere that Baylon actually knew Rynn from before.
Yeah, the chapter endings are very rough and will need to be polished. I literally just stopped and moved on instead of trying to come up with dramatic or thoughtful endings. You're definitely right about the Glade. The more I write the more it feels like a huge chunk of the story is missing, and while a lot if it can (and will) be filled in through dialog and short flashbacks, some more immediacy would be nice. Adding a prologue is not a bad idea -- it doesn't even have to be from Jen's POV, it could be e.g. the head of her order giving her the map before perishing -- and would actually line up well with interjecting antagonist (or other POV) chapters at intervals, and I'll definitely consider it. But I will focus on the main story for the time being, as I think it will be easier to add those bits after everything else is finished. As for Baylon knowing Rynn, I don't think I've ever hinted at that and it is definitely not my intention.
(12-13-2018, 06:45 AM)Mattias Westlund Wrote: [ -> ]Adding a prologue is not a bad idea -- it doesn't even have to be from Jen's POV, it could be e.g. the head of her order giving her the map before perishing...

A prologue can be very wide in terms of POV, too. Much more "atmosphere / factual data" sort of thing to establish mood and give the reader some tidbits of important info to keep in mind.

Quote:As for Baylon knowing Rynn, I don't think I've ever hinted at that and it is definitely not my intention.

I must have invented it myself, or gotten Baylon mixed up with someone else somehow Big Grin
(12-17-2018, 01:37 AM)Nayrb Wrote: [ -> ]A prologue can be very wide in terms of POV, too. Much more "atmosphere / factual data" sort of thing to establish mood and give the reader some tidbits of important info to keep in mind.

True. I'm going to have to put my thinking cap on.

Anyway, chapter 11 is up. Shortest one yet. After this, the chapters will get longer again.
Nayrb: I've been thinking about what you said about a prologue, and I came up with something. Not saying that this will be the actual prologue, or that the book will have one at all. But this is an angle that both introduces the main antagonist (sort of) and reveals what happened at the Glade in broad strokes.

I know this is maybe clunky and a little over the top, but I was aiming for a style that is radically different from the chapters that follow.

(It's also a little tip of the hat to one of my old favorite writers, but I won't say more than that right now Wink)
(12-20-2018, 09:45 PM)Mattias Westlund Wrote: [ -> ]Nayrb: I've been thinking about what you said about a prologue, and I came up with something. Not saying that this will be the actual prologue, or that the book will have one at all. But this is an angle that both introduces the main antagonist (sort of) and reveals what happened at the Glade in broad strokes.

I know this is maybe clunky and a little over the top, but I was aiming for a style that is radically different from the chapters that follow.

(It's also a little tip of the hat to one of my old favorite writers, but I won't say more than that right now Wink)

 I do detect a certain resonance of a certain author; silver masks and attacks on sacred places, and what not  Big Grin Speaking of, the next book is coming out in March, apparently.

This is definitely what I was getting at, and I think it's totally fine to be over the top in a prologue (or similar device). It's part of the dynamic nature of storytelling. Broad strokes is a great way to, again, give us readers a little taste so that our brains keep working to see how it's all going to be brought together. Even if this isn't the exact piece that ends up in the story, I think it's a good thing to have for a first draft.
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